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THE FART IN OUR SKIES: A movie review and other lessons on theater etiquette by Ben Bowman

Things We Fancy

Alrighty folks, here it is, Ben's first post. A while back I had announced that my dear husband would be contributing a post every so often here at Things We Fancy. Well, he finally wrote one. I dragged him to see "The Fault In Our Stars" last night and we had quite the experience. I'll let Ben tell you the rest. 

No spoilers, I promise

9:15 PM Breann says,"Let's go to the movie, it starts at 10...". I, of course, responded sarcastically with "Oh you want to see The Fart In Our Skies?", knowing full well it would annoy her and proceeded to look for my loyalty cup. I grabbed snacks to sneak in and made her drive. "It's your movie... You're driving!"

9:40 PM "Could I get two tickets for The Fart In Our Skies?" (I really did ask that) The lady at the booth didn't skip a beat, she confirmed the time I wanted and gave me my tickets.

9:42 PM I will have you know the only options outside of soda to get when refilling your Harkin's Loyalty cup are light lemonade (garbage), two types of tea (no thank you) or fruit punch (nasty crap).

9:45 PM I take my seat next to my beautiful date, Dr. Pepper in one hand, iPad mini in the other. Breann says, "Why did you bring that?!"

"So I could crush some candies when I get bored!"

Observing my surroundings, as every man with a beard should, I found myself and my wife in no immediate physical danger of any kind. Ridiculously short jean cutoff shorts and white tie dye shirts with the knot on the side is apparently THE style. Looks silly to me. I looked back and all I could see were about a thousand 12-16 year old girls giggling in anticipation in their tie dye shirts. The only danger I feared for was for my ears hearing the inevitable onslaught of "omg" and "like". 

Ok there is one spoiler, but not really if you are smart. The movie is about people that have cancer. There is going to be a death, it's inevitable. Sorry if this ruined the movie for you.

9:50 PM I turn to Breann and say "How about I go see The Edge of Tomorrow? It starts right now and we will get out at the same time!" I have seen the look I got from my joke many times before, and I logically didn't push the idea any further.

9:51 PM A Harkin's Manager walks to the front of the theater and announces, "Could I get everyone's attention?! Can you hear me in the back?! Welcome to tonight's showing I know we are all very excited... Blah blah blah... Please keep your cell phones... Blah blah blah... the light from it distra... Blah blah blah... And I hope you brought tissues!"

9:52 PM Transformers trailer starring Marky Mark
9:54 PM Another Nicholas Sparks movie trailer. "I wonder who the target audience is."
10:00 PM the movie begins and so do the "ooooo"s and the "awe"s.
10:45 PM The sniffling begins! I notice heads bowing and tears being wiped. Already?!
11:15 PM Lots more crying.
11:40 PM The ENTIRE theatre is crying at this point, there were a select few literally bawling out loud. One girl in particular, sitting one row in front of us and three seats to the left. She couldn't handle it, apparently, and was violently sobbing. At first you want to laugh at her with the other girls. Thinking, "man that is so silly of her to be crying that hard over a movie." Even Breann said, "okay, that trick needs to hold it together." The girl cried out a half sob, half laughing at herself "shut- up!", which of course sparked more giggling. However, these girls quickly pulled things together and were surprisingly respectful. I will say this to the girl crying in the theatre, I am sorry. This movie may have hit home so hard. I am sorry that these girls laughed at your obvious pain. I can only assume that you may have lost someone very dear to you to cancer and this story brought all that pain back to remembrance. I hope others that are reading this will assume the same in the future.

This being said, if the movie is so good that you are verbally crying so loud that everyone in the theatre can hear you, and you HAVE NOT lost someone to cancer that you loved, please be more considerate of others and excuse yourself to the hall way. Cry your eyes out away from every one else. You ruined the most emotional part of the movie because you were so distracting. Again, this does NOT apply to you if you lost a loved one to cancer. There, I said it.

Sometime around 12:00 AM clapping, lots of clapping. Here's a real quick definition lesson:

Applause: a show of approval or appreciation at a play, speech, sporting event, etc., in which people strike their hands together over and over
He accepted the award to thunderous applause. [=people applauded very loudly as 
he accepted the award]

Let me explain something here, if you are at a concert and you want to show appreciation, applaud! At the end of a play, clap away! If you are at a premier for a new movie and the writer, director, producer, actors and everyone else involved in making the movie is also in the same theatre, then clapping is an appropriate response to say "Hey, good job!". However, clapping at the theater in CHANLDER, ARIZONA, where I guarantee NOBODY that had their hand in making this film was attending is obnoxious! Nobody is there to hear your cheers! So don't continue sitting in your seat clapping your heart out, making it so that I can't get out and go to my car.

12:05 AM I wiped away my tears for the 10th time (yes I cried, more than Breann). Know this, if you go see The Fault in Our Stars and you don't cry, I fear for your soul. I am a rugged, bearded, 28 year old man and I CRIED!

Shailene Woodly's performance will suck you in and make you fall in love. Ansel Elgort's performance should inspire all men. His natural charm will make you wish you were that suave. This movie was made very well and I WILL see it again. 

I have a scale called A.T.F.A.T.S. (Ability To Fall Asleep To Scale) It is a scale that measures how easy it is to fall asleep to a movie, the lower the score the better the movie is. This Fault in our Stars did very well! On the A.T.F.A.T.S. it scored a solid 2! 

So there you have it, The Fault In Our Stars is a win!